Salute the Vagina — All Hail Pussy Power

If you don’t know about Atlanta Public Access TV star Alexyss K. Tylor yet, it’s time you met her. Why? Because she will teach you about “vagina power,” how you need to be a “pilot over the pussy,” how you need to be the “pussy police” and, most importantly, how “dick will make you slap [...]

Charles Nelson Reilly — R.I.P.

“Just me on a hilltop with 15 girls,
In a Nelson Reilly orgy that’ll make your hair curl”
– ‘Serrated Edge’, Dead Milkmen
Before game shows started featuring lame people singing, dancing, eating insects and choosing silver cases, there were game shows like $10,000 Pyramid, Hollywood Squares and Match Game, which featured the brilliance of B-List celebrities like [...]

My Adventures on Match.com Part IV (Attack of the Tongueless Girl-Part II)

(This is Part IV of a five-part series. Click here for Part I, here for Part II, and here for Part III)
CrazedHippieGirl and I continue to drink beer on her deck, and she continues to ask me if I am having a good time.
“Are you regretting coming?”
“No, of course not,” I say, as I move [...]

My Adventures on Match.com Part III (Attack of the Tongueless Girl-Part I)

(This is Part III of a five-part series. Click here for Part I and here for Part II.)
My match.com profile made CrazedHippieGirl smile. At least that’s what she tells me in an email asking if I’d like to correspond with her. I check out her profile, and even though I’m not blown away by [...]

My Adventures on Match.com Part II (Let the Winking and Dating Begin)

(This is Part II of a five-part series. Click here for Part I. All names have been changed to protect myself.)
After completing my match.com profile, I am ready to start looking around for some ladies to “wink” at, in hopes that they will wink back and we can start a torrid email relationship, which will [...]

My Adventures on Match.com — Part I (The Great Sign Up)

Three months after a divorce, I was ready to start dating again. I’ve never thought online dating was any stranger than meeting someone in a bar, so I figured why not give it a shot. I decided to sign up for match.com.
Of course, a couple friends said, “Are you really ready to date again?” [...]

Put a Bag Over Your Dummy Head and DIE!

Other than some Adderall-induced praise I scribbled into a journal a few years ago, I have not written about The Sopranos, but after last night’s episode, ‘The Second Coming,’ I feel compelled to express my new found hatred for the show.
The hatred began last season, which was so boring I’m not even going to try [...]

How Styx Played a Part in My Spiritual Awakening

With the timely passing of Jerry Falwell, I was reminded of this essay I wrote a while back, describing the very moment I lost faith in the church. Ah, to have mental clarity at seven; those were the days.
“Babe, I’m leaving, I must be on my way
The time is drawing near
My train is going, I [...]