Dunkin’ Donuts Hates Rave Kids

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Dunkin’ Donuts announced today that it is recalling 1 million pink and orange glow sticks. The company said the recall is because the sticks pose choking and strangulation risks to small children, but we all know what’s really going on here. Dunkin’ Donuts hates rave kids!

Finally, a huge company does something right.

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Have 920 Calories Before You Even Get to Work!!

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Hardee’s unveiled the Country Breakfast Burrito today and I felt like I gained five pounds just reading about the damn thing. The CBB is two egg omelets filled with bacon, sausage, diced ham, cheddar cheese, hash browns and sausage gravy, all wrapped inside a flour tortilla. If you act now (or later), you’ll also receive 920 calories and 60 grams of fat.

You may want to visit Hardee’s again for lunch, so you can get the 1,100 calorie, 83 grams of fat chicken salad and then for dinner you can have the 1,420-calorie Thickburger. Yum.

More shocking to me was that Hardee’s is still in business. I used to love going there as a kid, when they were giving out Shirt Tales stuffed animals. I sure wish I still had those lil’ fuckers.

More Layoffs Coming at AOL

aolcd.jpgIt’s nice to see that things at AOL have stayed the same since I was laid off earlier this year. It seems that the online giant midget is preparing to cut 2,000 jobs. The moving boxes have already arrived at the AOL headquarters in Virginia.

I post this because it reminded me of the day I got my AOL severance package in the mail. I opened up the FedEx envelope to find all the details and necessary paperwork, but that’s not all I found. They also sent me one of their Get AOL Free CDs!! I guess the year’s supply of Turtle Wax was too expensive to mail.

They used to say AOL was for retards, but even the mentally challenged shun AOL these days.

Don’t Mess With Texas — They’ll Fry Your Ass

dfc.jpgNow that I typed that headline, I realize that it sounds like this is a story about Texas and its love of the death penalty. After all, that is pretty well documented stuff. No, this has nothing to do with the death penalty. Instead, this is about a different type of frying, primarily of the deep variety.

Apparently, there’s not a goddamn thing that doesn’t get deep fried in Texas. Don’t believe me? Check out this story which talks about some of the culinary creations you can find at this year’s Texas State Fair. You can get a Deep Fried Latte, a Deep Fried Chili Frito Burrito, and Deep Fried Cookie Dough. Hell, there’s even Deep Fried Coke (pictured).

At this point I guess I should ask if anyone is really surprised that Texas is always in the Top 10 when it comes to OBESITY rates in the United States. (Like how I capped the letters in OBESITY? I’m a clever bastard.)

Evander Holyfield and the Karaoke Singer

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I just saw this on comcast.com when I went to check my email. Think it was an accident that the Holyfield story is stacked on top of a headline about someone having their ear bitten off? Shit. Now that I’ve taken a screenshot, cropped it in Photoshop and uploaded it to WordPress, it’s not as funny. Oh well. I’ll be damned if I’m not going to post it anyway.

Pepsi vs. Coke: The Great Soda Wars Bubble Up

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I’m all for being proud of where you work, but I can’t imagine ever punching someone who worked for a competitor. But, this is exactly what happened recently, when a Pepsi delivery man punched a Coke deliveryman in the face at a Wal-Mart in Pennsylvania. (Reportedly, this was at the same Wal-Mart where two men came to blows last week over which was better; Ford or Chevy.)

Anyway, the Pepsi dude beat the shit out of the Coke guy, allegedly punching him in the face three times, breaking his nose and giving him a black eye in the process. No word on whether he stopped the abuse after breaking his face, or if he continued by making him drink a bottle of Pepsi One.

Is It Wrong to Say Owen Wilson is Unstable?

“Hey Tony Jenkins, you are so effed up! I think you want pamela! Why would you say that about Owen Wilson? See what you have to do to earn a living? You think you’re so stable??? CREEP!!!”

owenwilson.jpgThis was a comment someone made in response to a blog entry I wrote for Vegas Pop about Pamela Anderson getting married AGAIN. Here is the part the commenter was taking an issue with:

Given Pamela’s hubby history and the history of celebrity marriages in general, there’s a good chance she and Salomon will be divorced in a few months, leaving her on the lookout for hubby number four. I’m holding out hope that when/if that happens, she’ll finally marry someone stable. Maybe someone like, say, Owen Wilson.

My girlfriend and a good friend also gave me shit about the Wilson comment, but I don’t see what’s so wrong with it. I like Owen Wilson, and I didn’t make fun of his attempted suicide. But can you really call the guy stable? Plus, I couldn’t think of anyone else to use to complete the sentence. Of course, now I’m thinking David Hasselhoff would have worked fine, since he has relapsed. Oh well.