Do Not Play That Song at My Wedding

van morrisonMy wedding is less than 100 days away, which means it’s time for me to take care of the few things left on my to-do list. One of the most important of those items is my “Do not play” list for the wedding band. While many couples probably tell wedding bands all the songs they really have to hear, I’m taking the opposite approach. There are no songs I HAVE to hear performed by a wedding band, but there are songs that I don’t want to hear under any circumstances.

I thought I’d share with you the list I’m sending to the band, along with a note informing them that these songs are NOT to be played, even if the father of the bride makes the request.

(Some of these quickly came to mind, while others I found while going through the band’s song list.)

Brown-Eyed Girl – Van Morrison
This song is the reason I started the list in the first place. My reasons for hating this song have less to do with Van Morrison and more to do with the people who love the song. Every time I hear it I think of both young and aging frat boys and sorority girls singing it at the top of their annoying fucking lungs while at a kegger.

Hotel California – The Eagles
I think Jeff Lebowski sums up my feelings better than I possibly could; “I hate the fucking Eagles, man.”

Margaritaville – Jimmy Buffett
There is not enough tequila in the world to make me like this song or ever want to hear it again.

Play That Funky Music – Wild Cherry
I’m just not sure I’m ready to see a room full of white, predominantly Jewish people attempting to “lay down the boogie.”

Love Shack – B-52’s
There are plenty of good B-52’s songs, but this has never been one of them. If the band chooses to play it, they can head back down the Atlanta Highway in their big-as-a-whale Chrysler. But they won’t have all their jukebox money.

I Will Survive – Gloria Gaynor
As long as I know how to love, I know I will stay alive, but I’ll start considering suicide if I ever have to hear this song again.

Mustang Sally – Wilson Pickett
See Brown-Eyed Girl (minus the young people)

Rambling Man – Allman Brothers
I grew up near Macon, GA, home of the Allman Brothers, where it was assumed you wanted to hear them played two to three times an hour on the radio. I never wanted to hear them at all, and I sure as hell don’t want to hear them at my wedding.

Here are some more songs that made my Do Not Play list that are not even worth commenting on:

My Heart Will Go On – Celine Dion
Only Wanna Be With You – Hootie & The Blowfish
Sweet Home Alabama – Lynyrd Skynyrd
All I Wanna Do – Sheryl Crow
I Believe I Can Fly – R Kelly
Far Away, I’m Alive – Nickelback
Give Me One Reason – Tracy Chapman
Smooth – Santana
Old Time Rock & Roll – Bob Seger
We Belong Together – Mariah Carey

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One Response

  1. Allman Brothers: I pissed on Dwayne Allman’s grave one night. And I’ve pissed off one of the seven bridges on 247 just because it is assumed that I want to hear the Allman Brothers.
    Also, I never want to see another cherry blossom as long as I live.

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