Homosexuality is Hilarious

image_afl08_la_chi16Me and my boy Hagearty went to an Atlanta Thrashers game last night, where I was quickly reminded of something that really pisses me off at sporting events: Kiss Cam.

For those of you not familiar with the Kiss Cam, it goes like this: during the game, when there is a break in the action, some “romantic” music starts playing and, on the JumboTron, the camera starts searching for couples. The couples then dutifully kiss for the cam, and everyone goes “awwww!”

It always starts with your cookie-cutter-cute couples to get the crowd warmed up. Then the cam finds at least one elderly couple. This always brings a louder “awwww!” and sometimes even applause from the crowd. For some reason, large groups seem to enjoy watching old people make out. And I thought granny porn was niche.

Anyway, this goes on for a minute or so until it’s time for the big finish, which is when the cam focuses on two male friends who immediately start shaking their heads “no!” while moving as far away from each other as possible. This doesn’t get an “awwww!” but roars of laughter. Why? Because, sadly, there are still a bunch of dumb motherfuckers out there and, to play the stereotype game they are so fond of, you can usually find said dumb motherfuckers at sporting events.

As the Kiss Cam started last night, Hagearty and I joked about how it was going to end up on two guys. This was an easy call, but I was still hoping I would be wrong. I hadn’t seen the Kiss Cam in a while, so I was hoping we had finally moved past this sort of thing. Maybe that was just me being an idealistic dope. After all, two nights before I had been moved by Dustin Lance Black’s acceptance speech at the Academy Awards and had real hope for us as a country.

I also let Hagearty know that if the cam was pointed on us, I was going to kiss him. And, though I’m not sure he believed me, I meant it. Although he’s not the kind of man I’d go for if I were gay, I’d rather kiss Hagearty than play into the tired “joke” provided by the Kiss Cam.

As it turns out, the cam didn’t end up on us, but it did end up focusing on… you guessed it; two guys, who immediately started shaking their heads “no!” while moving as far away from each other as possible. Fucking hilarious, I tell you. Comedy gold! Oh, and to really hammer the joke home, the music changed to Wham’s “I’m Your Man.” Get it?!? Get it?!

Funny how these same types of idiots quickly jump to their feet when Y.M.C.A. is played, without even a hint of irony. Maybe if the Village People would have been less “subtle,” these homophobes would understand what that song was about. Maybe the lyrics should have been “you can hang out with all the boys, and then get a dick in your mouth.” Although, come to think of it, it’s really FUN to do the Y.M.C.A. at sporting events, so maybe they would still do it. Then, when the song ended, they would high five each other while saying, “That was fun. Not that I’m queer or anything!”

Am I saying that we shouldn’t joke about homosexuality, or homosexuals? Hell no! We should be able to joke about anything and everything as long as it’s funny and/or insightful and without hate attached to it. Is that really too much to ask for?

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One Response

  1. Didn’t you try to kiss me once when you were hammered? I think you did. Sorry, dude, I didn’t feel it. Hope I didn’t cloister or closet some gene of yours. Oh well, seems you’ve done well with your true love as it is.

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