Against All Odds: How Phil Collins and French Cuisine Do Not Mix

philduckTracey and I went to Atmosphere Bistro last night for dinner. I was excited because we had never been, and who doesn’t love going to new restaurants? Unfortunately, the excitement that flourished during our appetizers (Brie Croustillant and Plateau de charcuterie) and our bottle of wine (Joseph Drouhin Vero Pinot Noir) died when we got our entrees.

I’m not a food writer, so I won’t go into details, other than to say my roasted duck leg confit was too salty and Tracey’s pork tenderloin tasted like bland mystery meat served over Rice-A-Roni. Oh, and our waiter took forever to tell us the specials, since he couldn’t remember them. He would struggle for a moment, then open his book and tell us. We still liked him, though, since a French accent can be mighty charming.

Still, it wasn’t the sub-par entrees and odd service that ruined the night for me; it was the Phil Collins. Now, before all you rabid Phil Collins fans start accusing me of thinking I’m “too cool for Phil,” let me state that I’m not against Phil Collins. He’s a badass drummer that has recorded a handful of songs I really like. But, this isn’t about the intrinsic worth of Phil Collins. This is about how Phil Collins is the reason I will never go back to Atmosphere.

Sure, the chances of Tracey and I going back were already slim, but there WAS still a chance. The place is cozy and even romantic, so it wasn’t completely out of the question. We could have gone back and stuck to appetizers and wine. But, Mr. Phil Collins fucked it all up. Or, should I say, the management at Atmosphere fucked it all up with their choice of music.

I was already suspicious of the music selection when, halfway through our entrees, “Against All Odds” started playing. While it was bad enough to go from Sade to a Muzak version of Sade, hearing “Against All Odds” let me know everything I needed to know about Atmosphere Bistro. What it told me was that attention to detail is not a high priority. How else can you explain a cozy French bistro, housed in a mid-50’s cottage, not ensuring the music added to the ambiance? Is it that hard to have some romantic French music playing instead of a Brit belting out a song about divorce?!? I’m surprised they didn’t follow it up with Wham’s “Careless Whisper.”

Oh well. Next week we’ll go out again and hopefully have better results. Of course, we could end up at an Italian restaurant that plays 2 Live Crew because, as everyone knows, nothing makes an evening more romantic than hearing “Pop That Pussy.”


Have 920 Calories Before You Even Get to Work!!

Hardee’s unveiled the Country Breakfast Burrito today and I felt like I gained five pounds just reading about the damn thing. The CBB is two egg omelets filled with bacon, sausage, diced ham, cheddar cheese, hash browns and sausage gravy, all wrapped inside a flour tortilla. If you act now (or later), you’ll also receive 920 calories and 60 grams of fat.

You may want to visit Hardee’s again for lunch, so you can get the 1,100 calorie, 83 grams of fat chicken salad and then for dinner you can have the 1,420-calorie Thickburger. Yum.

More shocking to me was that Hardee’s is still in business. I used to love going there as a kid, when they were giving out Shirt Tales stuffed animals. I sure wish I still had those lil’ fuckers.

Don’t Mess With Texas — They’ll Fry Your Ass

dfc.jpgNow that I typed that headline, I realize that it sounds like this is a story about Texas and its love of the death penalty. After all, that is pretty well documented stuff. No, this has nothing to do with the death penalty. Instead, this is about a different type of frying, primarily of the deep variety.

Apparently, there’s not a goddamn thing that doesn’t get deep fried in Texas. Don’t believe me? Check out this story which talks about some of the culinary creations you can find at this year’s Texas State Fair. You can get a Deep Fried Latte, a Deep Fried Chili Frito Burrito, and Deep Fried Cookie Dough. Hell, there’s even Deep Fried Coke (pictured).

At this point I guess I should ask if anyone is really surprised that Texas is always in the Top 10 when it comes to OBESITY rates in the United States. (Like how I capped the letters in OBESITY? I’m a clever bastard.)