Twat you say?!

nappybread2While I was driving to work recently, the Ice Cube song “Givin Up the Nappy Dugout” came on and it got me thinking about how rappers are adept as hell at making the female nether regions sound as unappealing as possible. Here are just a few examples:

Nappy Dugout
EXAMPLE: “Cuz your daughter’s known for givin up the nappy dugout.” – Ice Cube
My first thought when hearing this term is a bunch of goateed baseball players scratching their nuts and spitting tobacco. Not exactly a stimulating mental image, right? In the same song, Ice Cube also refers to a “little-bitty twat.” While that rids my mind of the boys of summer, I’m afraid nothing good can ever come of having a run in with a “twat.”

Cut Up
EXAMPLE: “Cut up, know we like to get that cut up.” – Cut Up by Ludacris
Really? Cut up??! I’m not a prude, but this is fucking disgusting and all I can think about when I hear it is a stinky, bloody mess. Also, what kind of woman would answer “yes” when asked for her “cut up?”

Guts
EXAMPLE:  “When I’m all in those guts and shit.” – Bury Me a G by 2Pac
This sounds like something Gil Grissom might say around the office on C.S.I. to describe the types of cases he hates to work. It also has a slight necrophilia vibe to it.

Ill Na Na
EXAMPLE: “Sugar walls comin down niggaz can’t stand it, the ill na na.” – Ill Na Na by Foxie Brown
I’m not a germaphobe or anything, but I’d prefer your na na be healthy.

Cha Cha
EXAMPLE: “Call before you come I need to shave my cha cha.” – Work It by Missy Elliott
This one is not gross, per se, but it makes me feel like I may have to dance in order to get lucky and I don’t dance.

Coochie
EXAMPLE: “Pop that coochie baby!” – Pop That Coochie by 2 Live Crew
This word has always given me nightmares about being sexually abused by a wild-eyed, 70-year-old Mexican woman. Luckily I’ve always been able to fend her off by saying “circle, circle, dot, dot, now I’ve got my coochie shot.”

As  I was writing this, I started thinking about what word(s) I use to describe the vagina when talking to a woman. First of all, I certainly don’t go all clinical and say “hey gurr, lemme get some of that vagina.” I don’t often say “pussy” either. Even though it’s the old school standby, it’s rare that it can be used non ironically and not sound ridiculous. Instead, I usually say “that,” as in, “are you going to give me some of that tonight?” and “I sure would like some of that!” Yes, I  realize this doesn’t make me much better than the rappers I criticize, but we all have our issues, right?